Paper Passionista

Why do people in the Pacific Northwest have such a hard time RSVPing?

Wiley Valentine response card

This time of year Paper Passionista is in invitation consultation after consultation with wonderful clients here in the Pacific Northwest, and we continually enter discussions about what the magic answer is for getting guests to RSVP, in a timely manner - if at all - for weddings.  Take this beyond weddings...it's just plain TOUGH to get people to send a response back for any kind of event here in the beautiful PNW and I find myself asking...WHY?????

In other parts of the country - New England states being a perfect example - it seems that people there have been raised with certain etiquette and protocol practices ingrained in them.  A response card there might simply be a mostly blank card with as little as "Your response please" printed at the top of the card.  This works as the trigger for those invited to weddings and events to quickly jot a note to the host of the event, letting them know whether they will be in attendance at the soiree.  This action takes maybe what....3 minutes to jot a line or two saying "we'll be there", or "no, so very sorry but we'll be with Martha in the Hamptons that weekend".  Then this gets sent back in the pre-addressed pre-stamped envelope provided in the envelope. Easy, right?

Not so easy for us here in the PNW, apparently.  Stationery designers have gone out of their way to concoct many creative ways to gather information from those with wayward etiquette practices. So now there are words printed for you with a simple box or line next to words like "Accept with pleasure" or "Decline with Regret".  Maybe above that there is a line asking that you simply write in the names of the guests who will be in attendance.  And if, heaven forbid, your host is being so kind as to offer you a choice for your entree, it might ask you to let them know whether you prefer chicken or beef. Vegetarian? Just say so!  But do you think making it this easy so our invited guests could simply check a box, write a name and initials and send back the card would be the answer?  In far too many cases the answer is "NOOOOOOO!!!!!!" Sometimes wedding and party hosts think they'll make it even easier and allow you to email your responses, but it still doesn't happen.

Even in the special events industry, of which I'm a part, it is very difficult to get invitees to respond to event invitations. Really? 

If you find yourself resembling the individuals of whom I speak I'm hoping that maybe today you can re-examine your RSVP practices.  How about a mid-year resolution to blaze a new trail and try a new behavior?  The next time you get an invitation I hope you will challenge yourself to take the 2-3 minutes it takes to respond to the invitation there and then. You know you love a good party - so let your host know you're coming!

(P.S. This was not written because I have been sending out invitations to anything recently myself. It's purely just in response to all the clients I have who desperately want to hear from you.  Thanks!)

Emily Post even has etiquette rules for Halloween. Who knew?

Since Paper Passionista is looked to for etiquette advice on a daily basis, we have to be up on the oldest and the newest etiquette guidelines for wedding and event stationery. Because of this we religiously read each month's Emily Post Institute newsletter.  Last evening I was reading the October issue and found the following article on - above all things - Halloween manners.  I simply had to share it with you.

Emily Post's Good Halloween Manners

Five Things You Should Know About: Good Halloween Manners

1. Remind your little goblin not to be greedy; one piece of candy from each house is the general rule. And saying thank you is a must.
2. In terms of costumes, ghoulish makeup and army fatigues are acceptable. Guns and bustiers are better left at home.
3. If you don't like Halloween, you don't have to participate. Either go out for the night (and suffer the TP consequences) or turn off your front lights. Parents will get the message-but some older kids might, too, so be prepared for possible "tricks."
4. If your area isn't kid-friendly, it's fine to pack up your brood and head to Grandma's neighborhood or to your best friend's block.
5. Dumping off a carload of kids in an area where you don't know anyone or haven't been invited is definitely impolite-and possibly dangerous.

 Is It OK to Withhold Halloween Treats From Teens?

Question: I hate when older kids trick or treat. Can I refuse them candy?

E.P. Answer:

Masked teenagers at the door might seem ridiculous or even intimidating, but try to take it in stride and hand out some treats anyway. After all, Halloween is an occasion for teens to enjoy just as younger kids do. For many teens, it's one of the last vestiges of childhood that they can still enjoy.

If you're truly nervous, try turning off your lights after 9 p.m.--that should deter any late night visitors.

So now you've been officially schooled in Halloween do's and don'ts by the official experts of etiquette, The Emily Post Institute, and you've still got time to prepare.  Now get out there and enjoy!

If you'd like to subscribe to the Emily Post monthly newsletters so you're up on etiquette for all of life's special occasions you can just click here.

 

Paper Passionista’s wedding stationery tips & myths

 

Smock Papers' contemporary letterpress wedding invitation

After you've set your date, confirmed the location, time, etc., the next thing you’ll start thinking about is selecting your perfect wedding invitation. Perhaps you have been hearing about “Save the Date” cards and are wondering if you should be sending those too.  Other things often pondered are what kind of look do you want, do you want contemporary or traditional? Here are a few tips Paper Passionista provides to help you make your way through the seemingly endless list of things to consider in choosing your perfect wedding stationery ensemble.

Tag & Company's photo Save the Date

Save the Date cards, though not mandatory, have become a popular tool for couples, particularly if you have a large number of out-of-town guests. Typically sent six to eight months in advance of the wedding, they may include information about lodging suggestions and any room block arrangements you have made. If you've already established a website for your wedding, this is a great time to let guests know this information so they can follow along for more information as plans progress. It is not necessary for the Save the Dates to match what you do for the rest of your wedding stationery.  Many brides select something more whimsical and less formal than the invitation, since you may not even have your entire color scheme and theme finalized at the time you’re sending the Save the Date. If you don’t do something matching you won’t run the risk of “blowing the cover” of whatever you  ultimately choose for your invitations. Many couples use an engagement photo on their Save the Date as a way of introducing each other to guests who may not have met their fiance'.  The Save the Date, in most cases, takes the place of the once popular engagement announcement.

Arabella Papers' Modern Deco invitation ensemble

What about those tissues that used to always be in the wedding invitation? Though many people think it’s part of tradition, there really is no purpose to those tissues with many of today’s printing methods. Tissues are a carry-over from the days when inks used to smear.  If you select a printing method, such as Arabella Papers’ "bell press" printing, it’s still a good idea to use the tissues to protect the print from rub-off, but for most printing methods, especially thermography and offset printing, it’s a non-issue. Other than that, tissues aren’t part of any prescribed etiquette, so don’t worry if you don’t use them.

Traditional William Arthur invitation available with inner envelopes

What about double envelopes? It was once tradition to have two envelopes for the invitation.  The outer envelope had the formal name of the main addressee(s) for the invitation, ie. Mr. and Mrs. Robert Smith.  Then the inner envelope would be less formal, perhaps using informal names of the couple, ie. Sally and Bob Smith (the lady’s name always comes first in this case), and then below that you would list any other family members who are being invited, such as children’s names.  If an invited guest is single but you wish to have them invite a significant other or guest this is where you would list that individual.  If you know the name of that person you could list them, or simply say “and guest” on a line below.  Today’s more contemporary invitations typically do not come standard with the inner envelope, and in this case you would list all invited guests on the outer envelope, with the couple’s names on the first line and then any other family members or guests on the line below.

bt elements' square Clairemont wedding invitation ensemble

Square vs. rectangle shape of invitation card.  Squares have become extremely popular, but it’s important to remember that the US Postal Service considers them an unusual shape and charges an additional 20 cents service charge, on top of your postage for weight. By the time you include enclosure cards you are usually into the second ounce of postage (currently 64 cents) so just know that you will pay 84 cents to mail a square of any size. Those who love the square will usually spring for the extra, but it’s best to be forewarned so you won’t have your invitations come back! I usually point out to couples that for a guest list of 100 invitations the extra postage for a square is $20 total, and that's not typically the piece that kills the entire wedding budget so if you love a square go for it!

To be safe, always take one packet of your invitation ensemble to the post office for weighing to be sure you put the correct amount of postage on them  before you mail them. Your stationer can't accurately advise you on correct postage since they don't have the entire ensemble in hand at the time you're typically discussing such things, so just make sure to wait until your invitations arrive and then go to the post office.  This is a great reason for not waiting too long to order your invitations, especially if you're thinking about ordering some of the personalized stamps now available for your invitations.  It is recommended you order your invitations no later than four months ahead of the wedding to avoid time crunches with postage ordering, calligraphy of guests' names on the envelopes, etc.

When ordering your invitations don’t under order. If you’re debating whether to buy one amount or the next 25 higher, don’t make the mistake of thinking, “Oh well, I can always order more later.”  When you reorder you start all over again with the pricing, and it’s VERY expensive. And many of the letterpress invitation companies begin their minimum order quantities at 50 so you’d end up having to order even more! Incremental increases of 25 at the time of original order are quite small compared to having to start the process all over again. Better to be safe than sorry. 

These are just a few of the commonly asked things about wedding related stationery.  For more specific information and questions don't hesitate to ask your professional wedding stationer.  We're here to advise and have spent many years in the industry learning etiquette and "the trade".  Ordering your stationery online may seem like a great way to go, but unless you are personally experienced at all the particulars that go with ordering wedding stationery it's best to leave this piece in the hands of professionals who can help you with wording and guiding the order through proofing and delivery.  This process should be fun, and a professional can make it so!

For a tour of many invitation styles and options available please visit Paper Passionista's Facebook photo album.

 

Making a Paper Sandwich. Guest writer, Sarah Pattison of "The Happy Envelope" has some fantastic advice about how to properly insert pieces into your invitation envelope.

Paper Passionista so enjoyed reading this article on the Happy Envelope blog that we asked its author, Sarah Pattison, for permission to share it with our readers. Thankfully she said "Yes!" Enjoy!! And when you're done give Paper Passionista a call to see the wonderful Happy Envelope invitation designs in person.

Making a Paper Sandwich…

by Sarah Pattison, The Happy Envelope

I received an inquiry recently from a client who is putting together her invites and sending them out (Oh, joy! Oh, day of all days! There’s no going back now, folks…). Anyway, she was wondering how to put the invitation in the envelope: In what order? Facing which way? So here I am, answering all of your invitation insert questions (hopefully).

First things first: the general rule of thumb is to order things by size. The smallest piece goes on the top and the largest piece goes on the bottom. This means that the invitation is almost always actually at the bottom of the pile, underneath reply card, reception card, directions, rehearsal dinner and whatever other pieces may be included within the mailing.

See a great example of this here:

As you can see, there are multiple parts and pieces to this letterpressed wedding invitation. There is an invitation, invitation envelope, reception card, reply card, reply card envelope, directions card and accommodations card. Let’s take a look at how it all goes into the envelope:

This shows the smallest item (reception card with lemon yellow layer) on the very top and the largest item (wedding invitation) on the very bottom. This is the proper way to compile all of the pieces… smallest to largest.

One important item to note: the reply card should actually be tucked inside the envelope flap of the reply envelope. It’s important not to actually insert the reply card into the reply envelope, but also important not to just lay it on top of the reply envelope. Tucking it into the flap as it is shown above keeps the envelope and card together but still easily accessible for guests to grab a pen and begin a response!

Another item to note is the inner/outer envelope situation. You’ll see this more traditional letterpressed wedding invitation has two envelopes. This actually harkens back to the day of hand delivering invitations by horse. Out in the muddy streets, the outside envelope would get roughed up and dirty. When the recipient opened the outer envelope, inside was a pristine, clean envelope that housed the invitation. Inner envelopes should be inserted with the flat side facing out:

As for addressing and calligraphy, the outer envelope will state the formal names (“Doctor and Mrs. Charles Michael Collins”) with their mailing address and the inner envelope typically is less formal (“Doctor and Mrs. Collins”) as seen in the sample below.

I can probably do an entire post sometime in the future about envelope addressing etiquette, but that’s a side note to the task at hand. Hopefully, now you can put your invitations into your envelopes with confidence and a secure heart knowing that you’re doing it properly! And even if you goof on it… I think your family and friends will still come to your party! (I know I would).

This entry was written by Sarah Pattison,